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CattleScope
Advice from the Stars…Again!
(Legal Stuff: Nothing here is to be construed as
meaningful advice, especially if said advice is acted upon and
turns out horribly wrong.)
By Madam Simmenbala • Bim
Watusi |
Aquarius (January 20-February 19)
We know you didn’t mean anything by calling THEM idiots.
Unfortunately, THEY’RE not so sure; just hope the judge is
open-minded. Yes, demands from the neighbors to fix your fence
and keep your cows at home seems selfish and extreme to you, but
not everyone shares your views of forage management and
conservation.
Pisces (February 20-March 20)
You know how you saw those two hawks sitting on the fence
holding a kernel of something in their crooked little beaks, and
figured it was sign to go short on corn futures? You know how in
retrospect, what with the margin calls and nasty letters from
the bank, it was just two hawks sitting on the fence? Keep that
in mind as you ponder that dead raccoon you saw this morning and
the chances of the calf market getting much stronger.
Aries (March 21-April 19)
Indecision comes with a price tag, but so does leaping in
before gauging the depth and temperature of the stock tank. Yes,
gas prices are higher than the cheap seats at Mt. Everest, but
do you really think steam engines like that rusty bucket of
bolts you bought at the last farm sale are going to make a
comeback? You impetuous fool, you.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
I know the only change you’re fond of is what’s jingling in
your pockets, but at this stage of the game crossbreeding can’t
really be considered new technology. Besides, it’s not like
tossing the dice on blending Angus and Hereford genetics is
necessarily a leap of faith. Hang tough.
Gemini (May 21-June 20)
Rule Number 1—there are no rules. Happy now? Of course you
are. Given your independence and multi-faced personality you’re
gonna love this marketing year with inverse price spreads and
news basis risk levels. The age-old wisdom still applies for
buying feeder pigs, though—if the head’s wider than the body,
keep your hand down.
Cancer (June 21-July 22)
We don’t know how you can be FOR Country of Origin Labeling
and AGAINST individual animal identification as a means to
accomplish it—you just are; that’s just one of the
contradictions we…well, we put up with in you. Don’t take that
personally, though; we know how you are.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
That was a whale of a wreck, wasn’t it, taking that green
horse to the neighbor’s branding to prove a point, against
better judgment and the spouse’s advice. Flying over the swells,
landing upside down in the stock tank and spooking the rest of
the cattle back the other direction. At least you were in
charge, just the way you like it.
Virgo (August 23-Spetember 22)
Sometimes you have to settle for a post being set a tad off
plumb; digging it up to get it dead-on might make you feel
better but it really isn’t accomplishing anything of structural
importance. That might be worth remembering when your sign is
ascendant in Jupiter this year, and when you’re running out of
daylight.
Libra (September 23-October 23)
Consensus by any other name is a dysfunctional committee.
Remember that as you seek input and counsel from folks near and
far on momentous decisions like whether to buy the stripped-down
version you know you’ll never be happy with, or to go ahead and
spring for all of the buttons and bells. Get on with it already.
Scorpio (October 23-November 22)
Sometimes when people say yes or no, that’s exactly what
they mean, no more, no less. Spend less time trying to figure
out if they really mean something else and you’ll be surprised
how much time you have left to worry about other stuff that
doesn’t make any difference, like last year’s prices or whether
there’s any truth to the Philadelphia Experiment.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
Lighten up a little; what some call stoic, others call dull. It
might hurt to show some emotion, but it shouldn’t be
fatal…unless you give away your position to the black choppers
you see that no one else does. Besides, this is your birthday
year in Chinese astrology—the year of the rat! Your birth date
places your stars under rule of the same sign, which surely
means something worthwhile. Two words: Beware traps.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
Two thousand lottery tickets…a new bull…2,000 lottery tickets…a
new bull…2,000 lott…We don’t know the odds, either, of your
actual choice (like you could make one), or the cost of your
vacillation between them, but it’s going to cost you some gas
either way. If you opt for the bull, you might try concentrating
more on structure and less on the sleekness of fat this time
around. Or not. |
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