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Hooter McCormick could add and
subtract with the best of them, running shrink, basis and
breakevens in his mind as fast and accurately as somebody
punching buttons on a calculator.
He wasn’t a fan of numbers,
though, because they always seemed to run against him more often
than odds said they should.
Maybe that’s why every year about
this time he was wound a wrap tighter than normal, which was
akin to a fish being a might damper.
There were taxes for one thing,
all of the receipt finding, bead counting and back-tracking just
so his tax man could tell him how much more he needed to pay
than what he’d already sent in against his will.
“Never worry about paying taxes;
it means you made money this year,” is what a pseudo-college
professor had told Hooter one time. The class was in business
management. The teacher was a CPA in Lubbock trying to pad his
resume with a weekly adult education class offered through the
college.
“I’m not worried about paying
taxes,” countered Hooter. “I’m worried about paying more than my
fair share of taxes. I’m worried about paying Uncle Sam more and
more of the money I make, especially when I seem to be getting
less and less in return. I’m worried about doing all that when
I’m alive, while also figuring out how to put back enough to pay
the taxes on the place after I’m dead so that Uncle Sam doesn’t
get that, too.”
Ignoring the major points, the
professor had smiled and replied, “I understand you’re
frustration, but if we’d paid less taxes all of these years how
could we as a society enjoy the infrastructure, services and
quality of life we enjoy today? Besides, taxes today are among
the lowest in the nation’s history.”
Hooter hadn’t known where to
begin. “Well sir, it’s true the marginal rate is lower than the
legalized robbery that occurred around the World Wars. However,
it’s also true that this nation never had federal income tax
until that nob-head Abraham Lincoln approved it so the North
could pillage the South…”
“But…” tried the professor.
“And, it’s also true that a
smaller percentage of us tax payers pay a bigger share of the
federal tax revenue year by year, getting squashed harder and
harder from both those with more wealth and loopholes than what
we’ve got, and by those with lots less who receive more of that
revenue as a benefit.”
“But…”
“So, if you’re telling me I
should be happier being thieved from less than being thieved
from at all, we’re fixing to have a long chat.”
“But…”
The debate digressed from there.
Hooter never returned for the next class, but neither did the
would-be professor.
Conjecture’s Net Value
As agitated as taxes made Hooter—and as agitated as he made
others about them—that paled in comparison to his
dissatisfaction with the banking community this time of year.
With no local bank at Apache Flats, and an enterprise more fluid
than top soil in the Dust Bowl, Hooter was usually looking for a
new banker about now. That typically meant dealing with folks
less than familiar with the ways of the cattle business, and a
whole lot less optimistic than Hooter was. Even when things went
right, Hooter usually found reasons to fire the new lender after
the first year.
This frequent search is what had
brought him to the newest bank in Lubbock, or at least the most
recently merged one.
Edgar Pinwright III was one of
those dapper types who wore his self-importance like a parka in
a blizzard. He seemed courteous enough when the conversation
began, though Hooter thought he seemed more taken aback than he
should have with the financial information Hooter was providing.
“Mr. McCormick, I’m afraid we’ll
need more detail before I can be of service,” said Pinwright. He
made a show of looking impatiently at his watch. “As I believe I
mentioned to you when we spoke on the phone, you’ll need to
provide us with a balance sheet and some other rudimentary
documentation before we can know whether or not we’re in a
position to help you.”
Had Pinwright had the chance to
know Hooter, he would have understood that despite his
appearance, wayward notions and unorthodox approach, Hooter
McCormick ran a tight financial ship. Consequently, Pinwright
would have known his last statement was an open invitation to
disaster. For that matter, had he been savvier at reading people
he would have known better.
“You tell me what oil and corn is
worth, and I’ll tell you how my balance sheet reads currently,”
said Hooter.
“I’m afraid I don’t understand,”
tried Pinwright.
“Worth. Tell me what corn and oil
are worth.”
“Mr. McCormick, I’m not sure what
you’re driving at, and I don’t have a crystal ball,” said
Pinwright, looking at his watch again. “I can tell you that
today, not including basis, corn is worth about $4 per bushel,
and oil is worth about $44 per barrel.”
“I didn’t ask you what they were
bringing; even a bat in the sunshine can figure that out,” said
Hooter. “I asked you to tell me what they’re worth.”
“But that is what they’re worth,”
said Pinwright crossly and with a bit of color.
“Last summer when corn was
bringing $8 and oil was bringing $140, is that what they were
worth?”
Pinwright was growing as
uncomfortable as he was irritated. He wasn’t used to being
challenged by someone seeking a loan. “That’s exactly what they
were worth,” he snapped.
“So, oil is worth $140 one month, than $40 just a few months
later? How on earth is such a thing possible if the market is
allowed to work? And don’t give me any of that gibberish about
the recession, or how it was the Chinese stockpiling oil for the
Olympics,” said Hooter. “Tell me their value, relative to the
fundamentals, not some wishful thinking or the possible outcome
of hedge fund hocus pocus.”
Pinwright took a deep breath and
tried his best at a smile. “Mr. McCormick, I might remind you
that it’s you seeking the funds from our bank for this
enterprise, not the other way around. In turn, that means you
need to supply us with the information we require to make an
informed decision, not the other way around.”
“And might I remind you that I’m
giving your bank the opportunity to make money. I’ve come to you
with a game plan and breakeven I can lock in on the board today,
if you happen to understand what that means,” said Hooter.
“Mr. McCormick, I believe that…”
“Besides that, I’m coming into
the deal with 30% as collateral. Seems like even a Democrat
could see the charity in that,” growled Hooter. “What I asked
you is what those commodities are worth, not what they’re
bringing, which is a whole ‘nother discussion that lots of
folks, including me, don’t have a good answer for right now.
But, the answer says plenty about what my net position will be
evolving to, don’t you think?”
Hooter wasn’t sure exactly what
the definition of flummoxed was, but he suspected Pinwright’s
face would provide an apt illustration.
“Mr. Hooter, again, if you could
just…”
“Yeah, I know, if I could just
provide you with a balance sheet. Speaking of which, I’d like to
see this bank’s balance sheet, and other rudimentary
documentation, of course, before I can decide whether or not I’m
in a position to help you folks out with my money,” said Hooter.
Pinwright buried his face in his hands.
“It’s about risk, you know. And
you know what risk is?” continued Hooter.
Pinwright slowly shook his head.
“Risk is the things in life you
just can’t account for, no matter how carefully you plan,” said
Hooter. “Take me and you for instance. When you were eating your
post toasties this morning, I bet you didn’t figure on having a
conversation like this today, did you?” |
